The Hurt in Your Eyes

Why is it so hard to say "I'm sorry"? I have heard this question asked before in movies and in sermons. It is a valid question that I think has multiple layers. I don't think it is simply black or white.

This coming week is Holy Week on the Christian calendar. From Palm Sunday, to Good Friday, to Easter Sunday, the emotional roller coaster that takes place in the text of the biblical story is beyond fascinating. It is mesmerizing.

When I think of Jesus's path to the cross, one verse has stuck out to me over the past few years.

"But Peter said, “Man, I do not know what you are talking about.” And immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the saying of the Lord, how he had said to him, “Before the rooster crows today, you will deny me three times.” Luke 22:60-61

I can't help but think, what were those few seconds like of Jesus and Peter locking eyes? I wonder if Peter thought of Jesus's words from earlier in their ministry of when Jesus tells His disciples that if you deny Him in front of others then the Father who is in heaven will deny them (Matthew 10:32-33). What a scary moment for Peter.

The text doesn't say what kind of face Jesus makes when he looks at Peter. I doubt Jesus stuck His tongue out at him or even looked at him in disgust as a way of saying 'I told you so'. I believe Jesus looked upon Peter with a mix compassion and sadness.

Jesus knows our weakness more than we know our weaknesses. He knows what it feels like to have the frailty of humanity because He himself became a human for us.

I believe Jesus looks at Peter and is not only saddened by his actions of denial, but is more sad for his human weakness and the depressed feelings that were sure to come over Peter in the coming moments. Jesus wants to reconcile Peter's heart with His. I believe He wants to do the same for us, even amidst the mess of our sin.

Making eye contact with someone can be a powerful moment. A time when no words are spoken, but it is louder than any scream or cry. I hear of married couples talk about the passion and intimacy they experience by looking into their spouses eyes. I believe it is a mystical yet powerful moment of when we feel seen, understood, and loved for who we are.

This leads me back to the question I posed at the beginning, 'why is it hard to say I'm sorry?'

Saying 'I'm sorry' admits that we have done wrong to someone else, and as prideful people a times, that can be very difficult.

But another aspect I think is also difficult, is looking into the eyes of someone you hurt and admitting you did indeed inflict pain to them. Seeing the hurt in their eyes of someone you love and care for is one of immense turmoil. But, I believe there is beauty on the other side of that turmoil.

In my own struggles and pitfalls, I have to continually teach myself to believe that Jesus looks upon me in my cry for mercy and forgiveness with a compassionate face. Is he upset with my sin? I think God hates sin and what it does to me, enough to send His son to die for our reconciliation with Him. But, He doesn't hate me or you. He takes sin very seriously, but He also takes us very seriously.

His love beckons us to see that He understands our weaknesses and calls us to reconciliation with Himself. Over and over again.

Paul talks of God's "kindness that leads to repentance" in Romans. If God looks upon us with eyes of compassion and understanding, then we must in turn look at others and ourselves with the same love.

Written by Adam Garner